my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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