and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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