Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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