I'm going to jail i love you
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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