Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
