yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I met the friendliest cop last night
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
