I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
