so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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