All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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