I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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