I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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