In the future we'll all be gay
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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