I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
