So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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