I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
