i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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