Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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