I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
