Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
