I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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