How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
