Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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