Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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