fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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