How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
