12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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