you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
