k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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