we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
