walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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