I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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