i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
