I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
