I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
