i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
