I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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