Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
