She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
