May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
