Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
