i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
