i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
