can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
