we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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