I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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