hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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