I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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