I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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