were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
