You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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