i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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