he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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