how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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