you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
