proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
