guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
