As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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