If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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