Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
