I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
