you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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