just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
