That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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