I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
