You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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